


Wildcard and Wildchild

by a_mere_trifle



Category: Calvin & Hobbes, Persona Series
Genre: Gen, Humor, igor's life is spiraling out of his control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_mere_trifle/pseuds/a_mere_trifle
Summary: “None of this makes any sense,” said Susie. “I’m attacked by weird monsters, I summon another weird monster out of the depths of my soul, Calvin… actually, Calvin summoning demons is the least surprising thing that’s happened all day. I always knew it was just a matter of time.”
Kudos: 15





	Wildcard and Wildchild

\--

She woke up in a blue museum with quilted velvet walls. Artwork lined both sides of the hallway, neatly roped away from prying hands. She rose slowly, trailing her fingers along the gold frame that boxed her in, before looking outward, to the man sitting at a desk before her. He was an old man who wore a wide, eerie grin and an absurdly long nose.

“Welcome,” he said, “to the Velvet Room.”

“Velvet Room…? This looks more like an art gallery, or a museum.” But try as she might, she couldn’t quite see what was framed on the opposite wall. She tried to lean closer, but something invisible stopped her-- like glass in the frame.

“Yes, this is a room that changes with its chosen guest. It exists between dream and reality, mind and matter. My name is Master Igor.” His smile widened. “I am here to assist you, as the signatory of a new contract.”

“Contract…?” She blinked; the memories were hazy with shock and dream. “Hypatia?”

“Indeed, Miss Derkins. You have been granted the power of Persona, and it is our duty to help you to wield it.” He took a card from the desk on his desk, twirling it between his fingers. “You have the power of the wildcard. We will help you nurture it to its fullest potential… to your fullest potential. All who come here are on a journey to discover their true selves.”

“Wait,” she said. “Power of the wildcard?”

“Yes.”

“Me?” She shook her head. “Are you sure you have the right person?”

Igor sighed. “Your compatriot’s situation is a little more… complicated than that.”

A strident young voice rang from further down the hall. “Get your hands off the exhibits, you little shit!”

“Make me, nerd!”

“Oh, dear,” Igor sighed.

“Oh, hell,” sighed Susie. “CALVIN!”

And there was Calvin, bounding up with manic energy she hadn’t seen from him in years, chased by a platinum-blonde young man in blue who actually looked rather similar to him, if he’d ever comb his hair. He perched on Igor’s desk, looking around. “Hey, Susie!”

“You get off the master’s desk right now, you little turd!” screeched the other boy.

“Oh, yeah? Or else what?”

“ _Megi--_ ”

“Locke!” Igor banged his fist on the desk. “No Almighty spells on a guest’s first visit!”

“He’s not a guest, he’s a terrorist, Master Igor!”

“Oh, God, of course you’re even more trouble when you’re asleep than when you’re awake,” Susie groaned.

“Huh, is this your dream, then?” Calvin looked around. “No wonder it’s so damn boring.”

“Calvin!”

“How about a Bufu?” said Locke.

“Locke, you remember what happened with Master Akechi,” Igor remonstrated.

“Dormina? Marin Karin? Hama?”

“Locke!”

“Great,” Susie muttered. “He’s even stealing all the attention in my own dream.”

“My apologies for the interruption, Miss Derkins,” said Igor. “Your compatriot is not particularly suited for this environment.”

“Way more easily bored than you,” Calvin translated. “How can the inside of your head be _this dull_?”

“His abilities are different than what this Velvet Room can handle. I have referred him to my own Master for training… Which is where he should be right now…”

“Yeah, they had me with this Pokemon Master guy, but I ditched him.” Calvin shrugged.

Locke’s hands clenched into fists. “That’s Master Philemon, you uncultured swine!”

“Some costumed lepidopterist is no master of mine! I am untamed and untamable! Now that my other half and I are together again, no force in this galaxy shall avail against our combined glory!”

“How does he even know that word…?” Igor rubbed his forehead. Susie could have told him that Calvin read quite widely as long as no one was asking him to, but she leaned her forehead against the invisible glass instead, shutting her eyes.

“Master! Tell me where Lavenza left the chainsaw!”

“No, Locke!”

“Oh, sweet, there’s a chainsaw around here?” Calvin hopped up. “Let’s find it!”

“What we need to find is some Ritalin,” Susie muttered. “Calvin! Stop ruining my dreams!”

“Never! C’mon, Hobbes, we quest for chainsaws and wanton destruction!” Calvin ran off, a ghost of tiger and flame trailing behind him.

“Not if I get there first, you wretched fiend!” Locke pursued him at full speed.

Igor’s head was in his hands. “This is why we all agreed to stay in Japan,” he muttered. “Perhaps I should see if we still have the batons…”

“He even takes over my own… magical mystic quest thing,” Susie muttered. It hurt more than it should, for being a crazy dream. “God… god dammit!”

“My apologies, Miss Derkins,” said Igor. “This interruption should not have occurred.”

“Don’t tell me, my magical mystic purpose is to babysit his dumb ass from destroying the world!” She banged her fists against the glass. “I’ve been doing that half my damn life, and I’ve about had it with it!”

“On the contrary,” said Igor. “Your quest is one of self-discovery. You, and those who will support you, are the only hope we have against a great evil.”

“What? Why me? What evil is greater than Calvin?”

“All will be revealed, in time,” said Igor. “It is not for one such as I to meddle in these affairs. All I can do is aid your growth and nurse your power. What you will do with it… that, my wildcard, is up to you.”

“None of this makes any sense,” said Susie. “I’m attacked by weird monsters, I summon another weird monster out of the depths of my soul, Calvin… actually, Calvin summoning demons is the least surprising thing that’s happened all day. I always knew it was just a matter of time.”

Igor’s lips quirked, just a little. “You will need rest. Here is the key to the Velvet Room. Please, visit again when you are ready, and I will explain in full the services we can provide. And I can assure you that our walls will not be breached so easily a second time.” _Or third_ , he added under his breath.

“Well, if this is my kind of place, he’ll probably get bored of it within five minutes anyway,” sighed Susie. “I don’t really understand any of this, or believe any of this is even real, but…”

“It will all come in time,” said Igor. “Go forth. We will be waiting here for you.”

Susie looked at the key in her hands, and then looked at him askance, bangs falling in front of her eyes. Her hand tightened around the key. And she awoke.

Igor gazed ahead at the empty frame. “Best of luck, my Psychopomp,” he murmured, and smiled. This would be an interesting visitor indeed. Wildcards always were.

There was a dull roar from the distance; a familiar sound, if he thought about it, something like--

A chainsaw.

_Shit._

“Master Philemon!” he called, jumping up from his chair. “I beseech you, come _quickly_!”

\--

**Author's Note:**

> Doubt I’d ever write a full length of this, so some vague headcanons:  
> -The Metaverse/what have you is based on the realm of fantasies and imagination. Dungeons are birthed from daydreams. Some, of course, are nightmares. And some seem to be growing twisted by an outside force…  
> -This is, of course, why Calvin takes to it like a duck to water. He’s been in and out of it for years. He’s just a little bit rusty since he lost Hobbes a while back.  
> -Well, “lost” is the wrong word. Calvin realized too late that, as much as it helped him keep it together, bringing Hobbes to school (where his bullies were growing ever stronger) was a bad idea. It was traumatic, probably involved fire, and the big bad is going to use it against him.  
> -C&H being about considerably more solitary kids, Susie has fewer social links. The Minor Arcana… and maybe one or two more.  
> -Their party probably also stays at 2, but Susie is a Wildcard, and while Calvin sticks with Hobbes, he can change skillsets/affinities at will (unlocked through exploration).  
> -Susie and Calvin are totally the SMT classic Law and Chaos assholes.  
> -As such, the big bad is something that ties into Calvin’s spates of hatred for humanity. It uses that to subvert him.  
> -Chaos ending involves siding with the big bad, and probably the death of most or all humans.  
> -Law ending involves saving the day, at the cost of killing both Calvin and the Big Bad, and Susie being trapped in one realm or the other.  
> -Neutral ending is, as usual, the best. Susie tells Calvin that of course he can change his mind, screw whatever the big bad told him, screw the rules, why is he doing what he’s told for the first time in his life NOW, anyway? And later, Calvin explains that they can’t be trapped in one realm or the other, they’re “psychopomps” and “wildcards” and shit, has Igor looked at a dictionary lately? These are the rules, man. And Igor smiles.  
> -It’s possible one social link is a nice Japanese kid on an English-learners’ chat/penpal site. Susie doesn’t know why he picked that handle-- with the frame of reference she’s got, the guy’s sober as a priest-- but English is hard, and as she gets to know him, once in a while, she thinks maybe “Joker” fits.   
> -If so, Joker wants to know if Igor really thought he’d simply stay where he was put and not interfere. Igor smiles and says, “I certainly hoped not.”  
> -“Welcome to the meta-game. I expect great things from you, Trickster.”


End file.
